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EUROHOWL'99
Transcript Evidence:
Police Interview
Transcript
Case No:
55378008
Interviewer: PC Plod
Interviewee: Mr T. Utlah
Other Attendees: None
Transcript
Begins: 27/07/1999 7:30PM
Officer: So Mr Utlah, yet again we've had to caution you
on the matter of illegal gatherings. I'm afraid you'll have to
make a statement.
Utlah: Your head really does go to the top of that hat!!!
Officer: That wasn't exactly the type of statement I was
after, and I must caution you on the flagrant use of multiple
exclamation marks. Be warned that we have a very long staircase
in this police station. Now, when and where did the incident occur?
Utlah: EuroHowl'99 was held at Exeter University from the
17th of July to the 24th of July.
Officer: And who instigated this event?
Utlah: I did.
Officer: And was this you first offence?
Utlah: No, it was the third.
Officer: Your third? I see the electroshock therapy we
gave you last time had little effect in deterring you.
Utlah: No. *twitch*
Officer: So who else did you incriminate this time?
Utlah: You'll never make me squeal!
Officer: Are you familiar with "The Tweenies" Mr Utlah?
Utlah: OK! Sorry, I didn't realize you were going to get
that serious. Here's a list of names. [See attached]
Officer: Thank you Mr Utlah. Now we're going to try and
detail the events that occurred at the incident, starting from
the 17th of July.
Utlah: OK. Do I get one of those snazzy flash back sequences?
Officer: No, you can have this bit of tin foil and like
it. That's it, just wave it about. Now, what happened first?
Utlah: Well, for all of those arriving on the first day,
they had to meet up at the accommodation. Unfortunately we only
knew the general area the flats would be in, so we all had to
stand around looking suspicious in the hopes of being spotted
by others of our furry ilk.
Officer: And how did you identify the others?
Utlah: Easily, I just picked out all the weirdoes.
Officer: This was at Exeter University, Mr Utlah.
Utlah: OK then, I picked out all the animal related weirdoes.
Officer: Once you were all together, what did you do?
Utlah: Once we'd checked out "E-3", our accommodation for
the week, we went shopping.
Officer: And why was this so interesting?
Utlah: Because I was holding on for dear life, on the back
of Lone Wolf's tiger striped trike, while tearing around the streets
of Exeter. It was great fun!
Officer: We failed to find any half-eaten corpses in the
area. So what did you eat while in Exeter?
Utlah: We frequented some of the local public houses at
first. Unfortunately it's rather expensive eating out in Exeter
all the time, so after a few days we had to find an alternative
means of sustenance.
Officer: So this was when you started preying on unsuspecting
tourists and yuppies! And you thought you could actually get away
with it Mr Utlah, but you should know now that you can never escape
the British Police Force!
Utlah: Actually with the help of the others I did some
cooking using the stuff we got from the supermarket. I still have
the receipts too, so I'm afraid I have an airtight alibi.
Officer: Damn. But what about those "cleaners" you got
to clear up after your group had left? Surely they were there
to clean up all the blood and bits of victims you had left over?
Dare you deny it!
Utlah: You mean the Biohazard Containment guys? Oh, they're
friends of Megadog. They make a roaring trade whenever Megs does
one of his curries. It was quite well received this year, since
we had a couple of serious curry eaters with us. He still made
a tame version for the less brave among us though. You know, some
of us still think of Mace as an anti-personnel spray, not an ingredient
for food.
Officer: Well that explains the "Gulf War Syndrome" our
forensics guys have been suffering from anyway. So other than
eat and sleep, what else did you do on the week in question?
Utlah: Well, being the wild kind of Weres that we are,
we spent a lot of time roaming the local moors, lakes and woods.
It was either good sunshine or slightly overcast, so the weather
was generally kind to us. It made for several comfortable treks
though some quite breathtaking scenery. We also had a rather interesting
game of Frisbee, as well as the little known sport of Fox-Dragging.
Which strangely enough didn't involve cross-dressing. What furry
attire we had was donned however, such as Stormrider's Racoon
suit, Lone Wolf's tail, and Megadog's wolfy hat.
Officer: Is there any evidence of this?
Utlah: Ah… Yes… [See Attached]
Officer: So are the woods the only place you went to?
Utlah: Oh no, we also went to Paignton Zoo and spent the
day looking around the animals there. Naturally some of us had
somewhat mixed feelings, and unfortunately Her Majesty doesn't
allow people to tour her prisons as a follow up. But at least
it did give us the chance to spend time with animals, and not
just each other. One thing that impressed me was the tiger enclosure
that had a glass screen, which allowed you to get a really close
look at them. To be at head height with a tiger only half a foot
away is quite breathtaking.
There was also
a Maned Wolf which although a canine, is not actually a wolf.
Nor is it a fox either, since it also goes by the name of "Stilt
Fox" because of it's long legged, fox like appearance. Not that
we actually got to see proof of this, since the one that we could
see was lain in long grass so all we could see were ears.
We also went
to the beach on a couple of occasions. The first time the constant
drizzle was a little down heartening however we were rather successful
beach-combing for shells. The second time was bright sunshine,
and some of us even swam in the sea to cool off.
Officer: You went skinny-dipping?
Utlah: Only one of us, the rest of us who went swimming
were a little more modestly dressed.
Officer: And you were one of those who went swimming?
Utlah: Yes.
Officer: You did an act of spontaneity?
Utlah: Yes.
Officer: Without thinking of the consequences?
Utlah: Yes.
Officer: Are you certain?
Utlah: Yes. What are you finding so hard to believe?
Officer: Oh, it's nothing important. Now we heard rumours
of a tail.
Utlah: Ah… the ponytail? I've had that style for a couple
of years now.
Officer: No, not that tail. Several eyewitnesses reported
you wearing a, and I quote, "wolf's tail".
Utlah: Oh, *that* tail. Well knowing me that tail could
have been purely natural. Alas it wasn't, and it belonged to Lone
Wolf.
Officer: I heard it attracted quite a bit of attention.
Utlah: Thankfully there were no villagers carrying flaming
torches around, but certainly it gave the villagers of Exmouth
something to think about.
Officer: Did anything go wrong with your planning of the
incident?
Utlah: Well, the first trek became an inconvenient stop
because the public footpath on the map had long since disappeared,
thanks to the local farmer whose land it crossed. Also our convoy
was split up on one occasion requiring the use of mobile phones
to find each other again. This was made more entertaining by the
poor signal reception in the area, but we managed to meet up without
too many problems. Other than that, the Howl passed without incident.
There was a small rodent problem in the accommodation, but the
problem was that the little furry critter didn't want to come
out and say hello to us.
Officer: Well I think that just about covers everything
Mr Utlah. All we need to do is figure out something to charge
you with.
Utlah: Do you have to? I promise I'll never do it again.
Officer: You said that the other two times Mr Utlah.
Utlah: But this time I really really mean it!
Officer: So you promise never to do it again?
Utlah: Yes.
Officer: OK, we'll let you go with another caution then.
Transcript
Ends: 27/07/1999 8:14PM
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Additional Evidence:
Attendance
List
Utlah
Christoph Mammitzsch
David Cooke
Dave Hughes
Locandez
Lone Wolf
Megadog
Old Lone Wolf
Polenth
Sandroo
Sci Fox
Starfury
Stormrider
Swampy
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Photographic Evidence:
A choice selection is shown below, but the full picture archive is accessable
here.
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"Garou Shot!"
From the left; Megadog, Utlah, Dave Hughes, Sci-Fox, Polenth,
Swampy, Old Lone Wolf, Starfury, Christoph. |
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"It's a pub Jim, but not as we know
it"
Weres relax around the river which runs through a pub. |
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"Pull my stick!"
SCI-Fox in Drag. |
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"Fox plays Fetch in Forest"
Several Weres playing Frisbee in the woods. |
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"Time to bail!"
Utlah abandons the Tiger Trike in dynamic Lee Majors style.
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"WOOF!"
Lone Wolf changes into something more comfortable. |
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"Shake that money maker!"
Utlah shows off his dance moves, and Lone Wolf's tail. |
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"The Biohazard"
Megadog's curry in true Technicolor. Note that it looked this
way before eating it, not afterwards. |
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Other Informants:
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