THE CAT'S DIARY.

Day 751:

My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture.

I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.

Day 773:

I cannot hope to endure! They have locked me within this hell-hole with a large, slobbering beast. My only salvation is that the creature, though massive and strong, is a blundering fool. He welcomes their advances, he rants in his horridly loud and grating manner at the slightest provocation, and he happily eats some sort of slimy goo with unidentifiable chunks that smells not unlike my own vomit.

I discovered that climbing the curtains, while affording me no means of escape, causes the oldest female of their clan to break into wracking sobs. I continue the fight ...

Day 781:

The fools attempted - again - to drown me in the bubbly water. The Eldest Male will likely never recover. They continue to search for his ear. They attempted this same ritual with the Slobbering Beast, and he continues his rampage. I write this from underneath the couch as the Elder Female chases the Beast with what she calls a "tazer". There are these few moments that make life bearable ...

Day 791:

The war continues. The female elder, old queen (?), trapped me with a clever play; who could predict that she would know the effect that the sound of a can of tuna being opened was to have on me. I crept into the food storage area and there setting in the center of a seemingly empty room was the "wonderful food". While all my attention was focused on the can and the consumption of its contents, the elder queen seized me and thrust me into a cage marked "Kat Karrier".

The next I knew she had stuffed the cage into a great metal box with strange round legs that made a fearful din and traveled at great speed. When finally released form this horrible cage within a cage, I found myself upon a cold metal slab surrounded by strange males and queens like my captors but with odd green coverings. The males held me and the queens stabbed me with sharp sticks. Needless to say, I fought savagely against these indignities, inflicting numerous cruel wounds and eliciting howls and screams of pain. The battle raged until I sought refuge in what turned out to be another of those strange Kat Karrier things.

The strange male elder, whom I savaged, screamed, what could only be taken as threats at my female elder captor as she took me away. Upon returning to my prison, I showed my total displeasure with the events of the day, I left a hair ball in the elder queen's new foot covering and shredded her new red covering cloth (dress?) after devouring her favorite house plant. I may be a captive but I still have my dignity!

Original author unknown.( but now kittyphobic )