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Brer Wolf's Werecard Reply-To: fantorel@lorien.ml.org
From childhood's hour I have not been
The Purity of existence
Fav. Were Songs/Bands: I haven't found too many yet (If you know of any, please E-mail me), but I like "Werewolves of London" and I like the lyrics of Metallica's "Of Wolf and Man" (I haven't heard the song yet...) Fav. Season: I love nature in all of it's seasons, but I especially enjoy late spring/early summer. Fav, Holiday: Samhain/Halloween! (G) Preferred Prey: The stupid, The intolerant, the cruel... Hunting Tips: Use shadows and darkness to your advantage. Most humans have poor night vision and will never know you're there. The same is true of the terrain. Use it to the fullest. Finally, whenever possible, use the element of suprise. Favorite Method of Attack: Depends: either chasing my prey into the ground, or a quick leap from the shadows or from above. Favorite Non-Were Mythological creature: The Unicorn or the Pheonix Feeling towards Vampires: I react to them on an individual basis. If one tried to feed on me, I would defend myself (violently). On the other hand, one of my friends IS a vampire... Feelings toward Humans: I try to judge them as individuals as well, but I don't like them in general. They have caused great destruction of nature, they have filled the world to the bursting point with their progeny. If three or four billion humans do not die soon, we are all finished. They bind reality, constricting it into forms that can be measured and quantified. And, finally, they hate and fear what they do not understand and, instead of seeking understanding, they seek domination or destruction. Personal Lycanthropy: This part is hard for me, but I'll try. Oh well, here goes... Ever since I was young, I've known I was different. I was always fascinated and drawn to Nature in all of her myriad forms, especially the Wolf, while found (and still find) most facets of human society and interaction distasteful. I would spend days at a time exploring the Greenbelt behind my house, and any other natural havens I could find (not easy in the part of California I grew up in.). Animals, both domestic and wild, liked and trusted me, & several times I came close enough to wild animals to reach out and touch them (a deer one time, a bobcat another). Humans, on the other hand, didn't (and still don't, usually...) like me. I was 'too smart', or 'too wierd', or just to Other. Some even Hated me, and tried repeatedly to hurt or kill me. I've taken a lot of shit over the years ( I've had someone try to knife me, and I've even been shot at once). But that's another story... It probably would have been a lot worse if I hadn't been able to shift then (I've been mentally and spiritually shifting since I was at least five, as best I can tell...). As the years passed, I began to experience bouts of depression (And still do, though usually not as often, as long, or as severe...). I was imprisoned in a form I knew in my heart was not mine, in a world not mine. Then, and since, I've been sent to a good number of Therapists, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists, and the only thing I've gotten out of the experience (aside from the conviction that those sort are the LAST place to go for help!) is that my brain "functions in a completely different way from that of an average person" ( I'm not kidding! I took a shitload of tests, and that was the only real result!!) . For me, there was (and still is) a NEED to PS, an instinctual drive. I've been bad enough that once I repeatedly tore open my arms, shoulders, and upper back w/ my fingernails (I still have the scars, though they are fading). During the worst of it, about a year, year and a half ago, I even tried twice to commit suicide. Once again, my nature saved me, because I simply had too much of a will to survive to quit that easily... About 3 years ago, I began to pursue my fascination with Wolves and Werewolves much more actively. I cleaned out the local libraries and used book stores. I did anything I could to learn more about wolves and Werewolves. I began having dreams about Wolves, about BEING a Wolf. I had had these dreams all of my life, but never as vivid and as powerful as these. They slowly built in intensity until finally I had The Dream. NEXT IS THE SUMMARY OF MY DREAM, WHICH IS KINDA LONG. IF YOU WANT, JUST SKIP TILL YOU SEE ANOTHER MESSAGE LIKE THIS ONE. In this dream I was a Timber Wolf, silver-grey, and I was walking slowly through a primal forest. It was night, and the Full Moon cast its liquid silver river of fire throughout the woods, drops of water from an earlier rain capturing the glimmering beauty. It's light ran through my veins, burning with joy so intense it was almost painful. It coursed through me, from the end of my tail to the tip of my nose and, when this feeling, this power hit my brain, it felt as though every cell in my body was awakening as if for the first time! I threw back my head and let loose a long, clear howl of joy as the locks imprisoning my senses burst asunder, and the wonders and mysteries of the world unfolded before me. I could HEAR as never before, SMELL as never before. I could smell the trees, each tree, each similar, yet each as unique as the two things in the world most distant from each other. These scents, along with thousands upon thousands of others, flooded my brain, giving me intimate knowledge of all around me. I knew everything about their creators. They taught me the essences of their being. I could hear the heart of a mouse, trying to move silently through a dead log (I could smell and hear ebverything that was the log: insects, fungus, everything...), but I could hear it's scrabbling. I ignored the mouse, for now scented something else: an Elk. A bull, mature, powerful, yet also weak. In his scent I found the reason: he was sick. There was an illness eating its way out of him from his heart. It would kill him. I began to run, fast, powerful. The woods blurred by. I crossed a stream, my paws splashing droplets of water into the night air, and they reflected the Moon's fire into the depths of my soul. I ran, and I came to a huge meadow, filled with grass and a few small bushes. There, his fur glistening in the Moon's light, stood the Buck. My two blue eyes met his single black orb, and in that moment a communication, intimate as Death itself, passed between us. He knew that he was dying, and he accepted that fact with peace in his heart. He understood my role in his life, and in the ending of that life, and he accepted that with equal calm. However, he was still alive, still strong, and I would have to earn this kill. And so we ran, the two of us, hunter and hunted, predator and prey, existing, living, in the moment, pure and bright and clear. I could smell him, the salt of his sweat, the tang of his excitement, the fire and thunder of his blood. I was intoxicated by the sweet rush, the thrill of the The Hunt, The Chase...The Kill. He stumbled, only a little, only for a moment, but it was enough for me, and too much for him. I caught up with him, pulled ahead, and launched myself, twisting my torso to avoid hsi hooves and horns, and sank my jaws into his throat. I felt my teeth tear skin, rip through fat and muscle, severing the life-sustaining arteries and sendign a sweet flood of blood over my tongue and down my throat. I maintained my hold, and soon the Buck weakened, his heart slowing. Finally...he died, his life passing out of him in a last, faint breath and a final beat of his great heart. I fed then, filling myself, extending my life with the essence of his. I felt myself as a part of the great web of life that is Nature. I raised my voice again, in a hymn of praise for the twin miracles, Life and Death. And, above all of this, the Moon burned bright, showering the blessing of her radiance upon the World... OKAY, THAT'S ALL FOLKS, YOU CAN STOP SCROLLING DOWN NOW. I FINALLY SHUT MYSELF THE HELL UP... When I awoke from the dream, it was a little after midnight, and the Full Moon was shining through my bedroom window. Since then, I've examined my life, and realized why it's been the the way it has. I've been shifting all my life, and now I know it, but I haven't had any success controlling the shift ( any ideas or suggestions on the subject would be appreciated ). I have also been trying to live as close to Nature as I can, always attempting to bring myself closer to a state of harmony with nature (which will continue to be very difficult until I can get out of where I'm living now...). I've found that my senses of smell and hearing are superior to those of a normal human, and although I'm am near-sighted (as are Wolves, if you think about it...), I have excellent night-vision. So far, though I try every night, I haven't been able to PS. I won't give up though, and a couple of times I HAVE felt SOMETHING happening... Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I finally found the AHWW website (most people have their links to the wrong location), and I started to read everything there. I was amazed! Others! I E-mailed Spyder about posting a were-card, and he said sure, so...here it is...
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