Utlah's Werecard

Human Name: Steven
Were Name: Utlah
Phenotype: Arctic Wolf / Coyote
Shifting Ability: Idiosyncrasies / Mental Shift / Totemism.
Birthdate: 04/04/74

Birthplace: Yorkshire, England
Home Territory: Nottinghamshire.
Dream Territory: A roaring fireplace on a dark stormy night, arctic wilderness, or a quiet sunny glade by a lake, hidden in dense woodland.

Physical Description, Human: 170cm/5'8", 10stones / 64kilos, blond hair, blue eyes, strange hat.
Physical Description, Were: None, though an Arctic wolf would be nice.
Human Career: Technical Consultant.
Hobbies/Interests: Television, reading, a bit of writing, nothing too imaginative. I don't seem to have the time. But I do try to be as inhumanely strange as possible. :)
Favorite Movies: 2001:A Space Odyssey, Alien Trilogy, Dune, BladeRunner, Ghost in the Shell, Princess Mononoke.
Favorite Were-movie: Wolfen.
Favorite Literature: Iain Banks, Calvin and Hobbes, ( Hey, I'm cultured.:) ) Terry Pratchett.
Favorite Were Literature: "Midnight's Sun" Garry Kilworth. The Wolves of Time series. Mammoth book of Werewolves.
Favorite Art: H.R. Giger, Nicola Hicks.
Favorite Were-art: Werewolf's, Elliot's, Huskee's and K-9's.
Favorite Quote: "Once upon a time there was a lonely wolf, lonelier than angels." -"Fable" by Janos Pilinszky
Favorite Were Saying/Quote: "Urf!"
Favorite Personal Quote:

"From what I can tell, the pictures show the end of the world.
Not in a sudden firestorm or damn-nation as the bible teaches us,
But in a slow, covering blanket of snow.
First the moon and the stars will be lost in a dense white fog,
Then the rivers, and the lakes, and the sea will freeze over.
And finally...
A wolf named Skoll will open his jaws and eat the sun,
Sending the world into an everlasting night...
I think I hear the Wolf at the door..."

Listen to the quote in RealAudio.

Personal Therianthropy:

Ah, the crux of the card, so to speak. There are quite a few contradictions in my life. Megadeth and Sarah McLachlan? H.R.Giger and Calvin & Hobbes? Am I heading to lycanthropy or schizophrenia? After all, perhaps lycanthropy is just a more cuddly form of schizophrenia? Still, I choose what to like, I won't go for anything because I'm told it's either "trendy" or "fashionable".

During my childhood I wasn't very close with my parents. Instead the family dog, a Rough Collie called "Lester", acted as an emotional support for me. So while I didn't learn too much about family life, I did learn how to give a killer "puppy eyes" look, and how to beg for scraps at the dinner table. :] It's from this that my strong link with canines originated.

I've always had an interest in wolves. It wasn't until about ten years ago when I read a book called "Midnight's Sun: A Story Of Wolves." by Garry Kilworth that it became exceptionally strong. It wasn't a book about Weres, but it gave wolves human characteristics, and viewed the world from their perspective. The main character was a wolf who was ostracized by his pack for being different, and the wolf was left to fend for himself. When I re-read the book a year later, that was when I really began to relate to the character. It's from this book I've taken my name, or rather the label, of "Utlah". (Which is howled, rather than pronounced.) For me it represented a lot of rather depressing and alienating feelings that I had at the time.

As I grew older, my behavior gradually changed. One way was my mental attitude. (I became more self aware, I had greater mood swings...) But there were also physical changes. I'm not talking about changing in a six foot tall hairy beast, but a change in my mannerisms and idiosyncrasies. I started to use my sense of smell more, my yawn began to sound more wolfish, I curled up when I went to sleep. I can't say that I believe that physical shifting is possible (but that's not to say I don't disbelieve either...) but I do believe that a person's phenotype can manifest itself in peoples mannerisms.

A couple of years later I met some rather "strange" people in a place called Aberystwyth. Every so often, we would all go to the castle ruins there and howl at the nights sky. It was these visits that started me associating my feelings with the concept of lycanthropy. I found that I feel wolfish if I feel good about myself. It's very hard to describe the emotions involved, its not happiness, nor is it contentment, but something in-between. I also have a Coyote like curiosity streak a mile wide! However, there is still the more darker side to my lycanthropy, the feelings of being alone, the feeling of being "Utlah".

Eventually I stumbled across the newsgroup AHWW, and realized that it had little to with books, and more to do with the feelings I was having. Thanks to those members who were around at the time, I began to understand and accept those feelings, and I finally felt I'd found a home. I felt I owed a debt to the group, so I tried to put something back into it. One of the things that I did was to organize the EuroHowls, which were the first Howls to be successfully held in Europe. They were memorable moments for everyone involved. Everyone there felt comfortable with each other, and we really did feel like a true pack for those weeks.

My "Wereside" has changed over the past few years, as I continue to discover more about myself. Therianthropy is not set in stone as some would believe, but is prone to change just as much as our own personalities. While I still have a strong, unexplainable emotional link with the wolf, I associate on a more rational level with the Coyote as well. Also I'm more involved with totemism and recently I've even become involved with Tarot.

I'm still around the AHWw group, though I'm not as active as I used to be. Most of my work with the therianthropy community is now done via mailing lists and my web pages, which I hope will help newcomers come to terms with their own feelings and Weresides.